Posted by: didyouseethis | July 24, 2014

Epiphany 1 and 2

*Wordpress has decided to make the first part of this post one big paragraph and will not let me change it.  Bah.
Confession time:  I am not a cat person.  There…I’ve said it.
Cat F you
I think it started Monday when I went to the big Labyrinth ( trying to write a post…but I keep distracting myself).  Sometime that evening I thought about when Karma cat came to live with us.  The Boy had broken his ankle…had surgery…plates and screws…and drugs.  A “friend” of his brought/snuck Karma in and she never left.  That was 2002.  Six months later Zen cat came to live with us (some relative of Karma’s….her mom was a slut cat).  Zen died in January 2006.  (Things might be different if that hadn’t happened.)  A few months after that The Daughter brought Calvin and Hobbes home.
So…it’s 12 years later.  Calvin’s dead. DH is  dead.  (Things might be different there too.)  Leo’s approach may work for a lot of things.  But I have faked it but not made it.  I don’t hate cats like I used to.  I can even appreciate some amount of cuteness factor.  But if someone came to the door and promised to give Hobbes a great life and all the kitty crack he could devour….he’d be gone as soon as I could  catch him and get him into the carrier.  He does not help my BP.  He bites me.  He does not snuggle.  He tracks litter all over my room.  Everything I own is covered in hair.  Hell, he even “pushes *Little Cat down the stairs.)  (I totally don’t blame him for that.)  He’s an asshole.  To a certain extent I admire him for that…he’s his own cat.  But he gives me very little pleasure and a whole lot of stress.
*The cat owned by the person I am living with for the time being.
I am not a cat person.   I realized quite a while ago that while I love dogs….I was not meant to have one….and probably not a cat either.  Nothing good has ever come of our having any kind of an animal.That was epiphany 1.  Kind of a relief.
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Epiphany 2
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I find myself saying over and over….mantralike….”I don’t want to be here.”  Name a place…I probably don’t want to be there.So…Monday…while sitting on the lovely English garden bench at the Labyrinth.  The thought came to me…”I WANT to be here”.   And that started a four day train of thought.

My new mantra is…”I want to be somewhere I want to be.”

Long time ago…somewhere read…”What you believe becomes your world”.

So….I believe…maybe….kind of…possibly….there could be…

somewhere I want to  be.

Maybe I will find it before I am too senile to recognize it.

Posted by: didyouseethis | July 5, 2014

4th of July…Made in America!

I saw this at American Digest…gave me goosebumps.

Happy 4th…on the 5th!

Love,
Mom
xx0xx

Posted by: didyouseethis | June 21, 2014

The Longest Day Of The Year & Omar Vizquel

The longest night of the year will now always make me think of DH and Metro and William the Coroner.  I was just sitting here thinking that it is the longest day of the year.  What memory is triggered at that thought?  Not one specific memory….just warm summer evenings, fireflies, sitting in the garden or the garage listening to the ball game.

That was then.  This is now.  There is no garden or garage to sit in, no DH to scream at first pitch swings.   The Boy and The Daughter are out on their own.   On this longest day of the year I hurried from work to be able to watch Omar Vizquel be inducted into the Indians Hall of Fame.  (One day soon….it’s going to be Cooperstown.)  There they were, Grover,  Sandy Alomar, Carlos Baerga, Kenny Lofton, Charlie Nagy….and Omar. (Wonder where Albert Belle was?)

Bless The Daughter for texting with me through the whole thing.  I was actually glad that I couldn’t be at the Jake(yes, I still think of it as the Jake)…I would have embarrassed myself blubbering through the entire thing.  The Daughter and I talk about having “the feels”….a surge of emotion…this was the feels all right.  Summers all through the 90′s.  Playoffs, The World Series…DH living and breathing Indians baseball.  The years of our family living Major League.

But…now…there is this…

The Boys

The little one who told his Mama, The Daughter, as he gave her a tissue for her “feels”,  “You’ll see your Papa again in Heaven.”  (That mistiness in your eyes…that’s the “feels”.)

Life is still good.

Love,
Mom & Amma
xxooxx

The Tribe lost tonight’s game to Detroit 5-4 in 10….life is still good.

 

 

Posted by: didyouseethis | June 17, 2014

LITTLE GIRL BLUE

I have neglected this blog badly over the last three years.  There have been so many changes.  So many things I’ve had no idea how to deal with….and truth be told….still don’t.  I have found myself wasting way too much time on Facebook.  Originally,  I signed up there just to keep up with what The Daughter and The Boy were doing after they moved out.  Funny pictures, amusing anecdotes…that kind of thing.

Then…I “moved out”.  The nest was not only empty…but gone.  While I have a roof over my head…and I am very much thankful for it…it is not HOME.  Many of my treasures are in storage.  While I know they are just things…they are sentimental memories of what was HOME.  There is “comfort in place” I read somewhere a long time ago.  I need that comfort.

Someone told me a week or so ago that I needed to “embrace more of the things I used to”.  I took it to mean….”be more like myself”. I will never be the exact person I used to be…the experiences of the last few years makes that impossible.  I need/want to move forward…I just have to figure out how.

I found this video sitting in a draft of a post that never got written.  Finding it…made me think about embracing those things I used to enjoy.

So very fortunate that I got to hear Janis at Public Auditorium in 1969. (Along with the second incarnation of Blood, Sweat and Tears …I much preferred the first.)

I love this song.  I’ve always found great comfort in it.  The more things change…the more they stay the same.

 

Posted by: didyouseethis | March 28, 2014

TURN ON THE LIGHTS….2014

Tomorrow night between 8:30 and 9:30 there will be people sitting in the dark “celebrating” Earth Hour…supposedly bringing attention to the problems of the planet and the global warming/cooling/climate change crap.

On the other hand….there will also be people TURNING ON THE LIGHTS. People celebrating humankind’s achievements. They are the achievers/imaginers/creators. Turning on the lights and thinking how to move mankind forward to greater achievement. These are the people I will be standing with. I REFUSE TO SIT IN THE DARK.

Even the year DH was so sick and everything in our lives was spinning out of control…we turned on the lights.  I am so glad that we did because the next day, Sunday, the end began for real.  But before that all happened  we rocked out to LET’S SEE HOW FAR WE’VE COME.


Love,
Mom & Amma
XOX

Posted by: didyouseethis | March 25, 2014

TOLKIEN READING DAY

Today is Tolkien Reading Day….here is my reading.

I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
in summers that have been;

Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.

I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall ever see.

For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring
there is a different green.

I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago,
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know.

But all the while I sit and think
of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet
and voices at the door.

Love, Mom & Amma
XOX

Posted by: didyouseethis | March 10, 2014

CLEVELAND RALLY FOR THE TROOPS 2014

    CLEVELAND RALLY FOR THE TROOPS

IMG_1841

CLEVELAND RALLY FOR THE TROOPS
April 27, 2014

Cleveland, Ohio (OH)

The Rally For Troops will be held on April 27th, 2014 at the Cleveland Public Square. There will be a post rally held at the Harley-Davidson Sales Company of Cleveland. 14550 Lorain Ave, Cleveland, OH 44111

Ceremony at 11:00am
Contact For More Information:

(440) 263-8121

Posted by: didyouseethis | December 22, 2013

Gratitude: Madison Rising

Patriots….and a kick ass band.

Posted by: didyouseethis | December 21, 2013

Once again…The Longest Night of the Year

Everything I read says look ahead not back.  But how does one do that at Christmas?  Once upon a time I looked to this night as the final long night.  Starting tomorrow the days will get longer until finally the soft short nights of spring/summer.  That will still happen and it cheers me some now.

Christmastime is for memories.  Making them and recalling them.  This longest night of the year brings me memories both bitter and sweet. This started out a much longer post.  (Gratitude:  the backspace key.)

I remember Mosul, Iraq and David Ruhren and Nick Mason who were members of our first “adopted” Soldier’s squad.

I remember sitting in Metro with DH reading William the Coroner’s blog.  (He was on DH’s list of favorite gun blogs.)  DH and William did not live to see the next longest night of the year.

I remember lighting the candles in the memory garden.

I remember this sweet moment…

grant-ray-december-2

Now he is running around fighting “grumpy guys, singing grace at Sunday dinner and telling me about how St. Nicholas was so silly, he left him play dough and a banana in his boot… there were bananas in the kitchen.

I think of all the Christmases with my little ones who, grown now, bring me just as much joy as they did then.

Then there is this…

And it does.

Mary-Chapin Carpenter, The Longest Night of the Year

They say that spring will come again–
No one knows exactly when.
Still the sun ’s a long lost friend
On the longest night of the year.

We stare into the firelight
While December beats outside
Where the darkest hearts reside
On the longest night of the year

So keep me safe and hold me tight
Let the candle burn all night
Tomorrow welcome back the night
It was longest night of the year

I used to think the world was small
Bright and shining like a ball
Seems I don’t know much at all
On the longest night of the year

We press our faces to the glass
And see our little lives go past
Wave to shadows that we cast
On the longest night of the year

So keep me safe and hold me tight,
Let the candle burn all night,
Tomorrow welcome back the light.
‘Twas the longest night of the year

Make a vow when Solstice comes:
To find the Light in everyone
Keep the faith and bang the drum
On the longest night of the year

So keep me safe and hold me tight,
Let the candle burn all night,
Tomorrow welcome back the light.
‘Twas the longest night of the year

Love,
Mom

Posted by: didyouseethis | June 6, 2013

D Day + 25,202

Today is D Day +25,202.  (I think I have that right.)  They did this “..so a monstrous evil could be pursued and destroyed.”  (Try saying that today.)  I see the Higgins Boats…and I get teary eyed…somewhere in the S. Pacific my father was piloting one of those boats.  I am here because they were successful and he came home.

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